Growing Into Who I Was Meant To Be

It is easy to fall into the matrix of your everyday routine without taking time to step back and examine if this is something you truly enjoy and are happy doing or are you just going through the motions of life doing what you THINK you should be doing because it just makes sense?

As of 3 months ago, I realized that I, myself, fell into that matrix of doing the same thing everyday, every week, with a once a month out-of-state trip. My everyday routine was: work my full time job, go into my part time job, workout, and repeat with little to no sleep or time for myself. This became dangerous and harmful to my mental and overall health. Not only was I not prioritizing ME but I also constantly overworked myself and wasn't happy. I also realized that I constantly kept myself overly busy because I was trying to avoid a lot of situations that I was unhappy with in different areas of my life. I kept myself busy to distract myself from the undeniable truth. It wasn't until I finally stepped back to examine my life and the direction it was going in and compared it to my 5 year plan/goal of the women I eventually want to be and grow into. But how do I get there? I realized that I was genuinely unhappy at my full time job. I felt like I had so much untapped potential within my chosen career field of communications and marketing and my full time job at the time was requiring me to do a different field that I soon realized I was not passionate about or truly enjoyed. I parted ways with my full time job and decided to go on a self love journey in discovering who really is Tessie Ledesma. One thing I definitely knew was that I was overworked and mentally/physically drained. Once I became fully aware of this, it opened my eyes to the fact that I was depriving my body of not only rest but recovery as well. I started to realize that if I did not prioritize my health, my body was going to take what it needs in other ways (e.g. if I was to pass out from exhaustion, not being able to give my 100% in my workouts, or giving out on me). Since then, my health, both mental and physical, became top priority. In going on my self love journey, I came to the eye-opening realization that I needed to get out of the same small town that I had been in for about 8 years. The realization came to me as I was driving home from the airport after returning from an out of state trip. As I was driving back to my small town, I felt waves of mild depression coming over me. I felt nostalgic in the sense that I had not yet arrived home but I already could not wait to get out of my small town and into a new environment and change of scenery.

I made the spontaneous decision to move to North Carolina and re-discover and re-center myself. I wanted a healthy escape and I genuinely have always enjoyed traveling for the sole purpose that I love the change in seasons, landscape, and energy. So why not get out of Texas for a while?

I also developed an early morning routine which I dedicated as "me time". There's something about waking up before the sun is up and getting a jump on the day. And spending a couple of hours in the morning focusing on myself, sets me up in the right mindset to conquer the day and be one with my inner being. I began practicing meditation, taking a morning shower (I am trying to slowly go from warm showers to cold showers in an effort to wake my body up), actually making/eating breakfast (before I would only drink coffee and call that my breakfast), reading, praying, and working out. I aim to do all of this before 9:00 am and it definitely has been detrimental in finding myself, being one with myself, and giving myself the self love that I so desperately needed and had been lacking.

Since being in North Carolina, I regularly went to a local coffee shop for my early morning latte. After a couple of weeks, the wonderful baristas (who have now become some of my closest friends) asked me to join their barista team. This was something that I didn't know I needed. One of my silent and personal "goals" on my bucket list is to be a barista at some point in my lifetime and the reason for this is because eventually in my 10 year plan, I want to open up my own coffee shop but I first need to learn all about making coffee and what goes into a coffee shop business. That being said, I definitely took this as a sign from the Universe and God to take a leap of faith and try it out. I accepted the barista job, and have been working part-time as one ever since. Saying "I love it" is truly an understatement. Being surrounded by the smell of coffee, giving people their cup of job, free lattes, the coffee shop aesthetic, tasty pastries, and amazing co-workers turned close friends, is unmatched.

After a 2 month break from full-time work, I began my search for my new full time job. I had an idea of what I wanted to do and I knew the potential I have. I just needed to find a new "home" to place my potential, my talents, and my ability to continue growing and gaining more experience in my field. After a few amazing interviews and instantly connecting with the staff, I was offered a job from the University of Texas at Austin as a Communications Specialist and I ACCEPTED. I am proud to say that I am in my second week as a UT longhorn and the cool thing about it, it is remote until the summer time. That said, I will continue my time in North Carolina and being a weekend barista. I have fallen in love with not only the North Carolina scenery but the environment, nature, vibes, and the spontaneous escape of it all. This position is also one that I know I will absolutely enjoy based on my first couple of days, meeting the team, and everything I have dived into learning. I am so excited! The process of growing into who I want to be has begun and I am loving every second of it! I have never been this happy with life and comfortable in myself.

Moral of the story from this blog post is that I felt the urge to share this with my blog readers because you truly never realize you are caught in the matrix and unhappy until you literally yank yourself out to reflect. It has a funny way of masking itself and tricking you into thinking you are happy. This isn't to say that everyone goes through what I went through but I am confident that there are at least a few of you that, without realizing it until maybe reading this blog, are in the same situation I was in. Or maybe you went through it before and are one of the lucky ones to pull yourself out. Regardless, I urge you to examine your life. Think about your 5 year plan and if you haven't created one, that's a great place to start. Think about the person you want to be and start acting like him/her. Take the necessary steps to build yourself up and into a healthy routine for your mental health and your overall health. If you can, take an escape and go soul searching. You'll be surprised at the answers you find.

XOXO,

Tess